A dreamer in the day to where her nightmares escaped
I lost myself on the streets of forgiveness
All pieces of my hope had been carefully choked
I saw their shadow in between the darkness
A long lost time ago when this heart was still whole
I stumbled upon the smile of a stranger
The heaven that I gave would so soon be betrayed
But I wasn’t able to taste the present danger
The world is a complicated place. Not just because a lot of things like opinions, gossip, success, friendship and love can’t be controlled. The heart of the problem lies in the fact that none of us want to give in without a fight; we want things to go our way, we want to win every battle. And so it seems, instead of recognizing defeat and taking a few steps back, we are constantly fighting ourselves and our polished egos.
And we never stop to ask ourselves just why we think we deserve certain rewards or relations. Because to us questioning that seems like a ridiculous thing to do. We are ‘me’, ‘I’. And ‘I’ deserve that. This is ‘my’ life, I am the main person in this world, the lead star of the film, the one it’s all about. It’s my life and I want it to go exactly as I would like.
So, if ‘I’ don’t get that promotion at work it’s not fair, if the one ‘I’ love doesn’t love me back, he or she is a fool and – if ‘I’ fail to make ‘my’ dreams come true…it’s not ‘my’ fault.. is it? Because then there must be something wrong with the world.
This ‘I’ – me, can say that out of experience. I have dealt with frail hopes that were shattered, unrealized dreams, criticism on projects I had put all my energy in, certain heartache, unforeseen pain, loss and upcoming doubts. At times, I felt as if I was losing my mind. And that just because things weren’t going as planned. My life was drifting and shaping itself, putting me in the passenger’s seat.
Those are the times you are left to your devices, left to wonder about what, where, why and when. When did you life fall apart? Why? Did you do something wrong? Did you say something – did you forget to say something? And if so, was that silence the first sound of your emotional heart-attack?
In that corner, in that sad in-between place of ill decision-making, grey colours and guilt-fed whispers, you sink deep into thoughts. Reduced to a passenger along for the ride, you are left to do the only thing you can do in a moment like that; watch. Observe. Because surely, as they say, we can learn from our mistakes. If we pay attention, track the crumbs, take notes – we might find our way out of this black hole. If we closely watch those around us, read their lips, cling to their embraces and follow the light in their eyes, we might even find the answers we were looking for. Even when, most of the times, you are afraid to ask them aloud.
Life is a process of learning. And it never ends. Our parents teach us the basics and then the teachers do the rest. Our minds are filled with ideas, theories and knowledge. So we might use it to get ahead in life. But once we’ve left the educational premises behind, though our minds are full, our hearts are empty. For what have we accomplished yet? What experience did we acquire? Wrongfully, we think this is the time we stop learning. We think we know it all, we’re young, we’re powerful and we’re going to conquer the world. But where did that thought come from? Did our teachers teach us nothing?
Youth is both a blessing and a curse. Without a compass, without goals you float into a peaceful cloud of senselessness. And it’s only when you hit a wall that you realize; maybe I’m not as invincible as I thought. Maybe I can lose, maybe I can hurt… Maybe a lot! – A fearsome thought.
But maybe that is the reason we lose – we hurt– we are disappointed and… we panic; to fear. Because fear has the power to wake you up. To pull you out of that black hole. It makes you see, fully, the process and consequences of your ideals and actions. It makes us grow as a person. Because if we would never lose, hurt, disappoint or panic; we would never learn. If we would always win and get what we want, without even the slightest effort; we would not value what we have.
And when it comes to our leading role, how could it be that everyone could get what he or she wanted? At the same time? It would simply not be possible. And that’s a fact. A piece of information we simply have to settle with.
We want, we strive, we fight. But we have to enter the fight knowing; we can’t win them all...
The waves of love are unsteady and cool
They’ve often hit me to the ground...
The flames of passion turn intellectuals into fools
And there’s no warning screaming loud...
Our hearts are hopeless when it comes to love
But in truth; were are to blame
For it is us, the fools, who fail to run
When we have tracked down certain shame
The sky of pain is endless and growing
Beyond the hopes we try to keep..
And even the answers to all of our questions
Are the wrongs ones that make us weep...
They do no know what we are thinking of
And to be honest, why should they care?
For sometimes we let ourselves fall completely
When a lack of love fills up the air...
Dear friend,
I’ve heard that you feel afraid of the world
And as for me, I think that shouldn’t be
Sure, there are many places
In the shadows of their faces
And sometimes that’s all you see
But there’s a line inside my mind
You’re welcome to cross
For you have fallen into darkness
And now you’ve become lost
Your wings cling to your body
As you look up to the sky
The voices make you tremble
As you whisper them goodbye
So, I’ll keep a place beside me
Where you don’t have to speak a word
And we will be disturbed by no man
As I rid you of your hurt
I’ve heard you feel alone in this world
And I think that there’s just no need
Sure, there are many demons
Hidden right here between us
And they can make it hard to breathe
But there’s a word held in my hand
One I can make you understand
And no one needs a single day
To come to terms with what I’ll say
Because your heart will surely see
That even darkness can be free
For light is stronger if the flame
Is carried in an honest name
So, my friend do not despair
The smell of hope is in the air
Just shout out when you’ve had enough
And I’ll call the troops all armed
With love…
#1 The Taste of Love
If only I could heal your self spoken pain
Like it was dew, wipe away the demons
That plagued your thoughts today.
But you stand there in silence
And will allow no talk
So, mystified I await your eyes
To invite a flow of words to walk
If only you’d let me in on the gilded secret’s cause
As if by lightning, I’d strike it down
Just to put the world on pause
I can enjoy no taste of sugar
I cannot be amused by song
For, honestly those pleasures mean nothing
When your kind smile is gone.
#2 'Killing Me Not So Softly'
Please take a bullet and a gun
Or a knife to be easier done
Instead of killing me with you whispered words
And the I love you’s I never heard
Please feed me poison or pure hate
Or take a rope to strangle fate
Instead of watching me as I struggle to smile
To ask me then if I’m hurting inside
Please take my flame and make it cry
Extinguish life and all the light
Instead of loving me in your special way
I wait and wait and wait in vain
#3 A Lover's Tragedy
I wandered through her house
Through her many halls of gold
I passed so many windows
And who watched me no one knows
But then I heard a whisper
It could have reached me in my dreams
My eyes turned wide, my heart run wild
Yet my feet would not leave
There she was in all her glory
A heavy frame around her face
Her eyes shone cold, her lips were dry
Unlike her shimmering mask of lace
And although right there beside her
Was a count that held her hand
That clench became a shackle soon
Clipping the wings of all her plans
Her eyes had been so young then
Yet her heart could not be fooled
For she needed no salvation
Or a polished hero overdue
His name may have brought comfort
And his smile may have been meant
When he was gone the echoes sung
And she cried inside her head
Then in time she did discover
That his touch could reach her heart
Although it was hard to learn to trust
She knew now she could start
A different frame presented me
Her and him with both hands held
Yet in this piece there was no play
For her eyes portrayed how she felt
But with the rain once lighting came
To strike her at her core
It had no need to silence its greed
Yet her hope was not restored
And so her years were spent in tears
As she kept asking why
For with the rain just blood remained
His final word had been ‘’goodbye’’
