The world is a complicated place. Not just because a lot of things like opinions, gossip, success, friendship and love can’t be controlled. The heart of the problem lies in the fact that none of us want to give in without a fight; we want things to go our way, we want to win every battle. And so it seems, instead of recognizing defeat and taking a few steps back, we are constantly fighting ourselves and our polished egos.
And we never stop to ask ourselves just why we think we deserve certain rewards or relations. Because to us questioning that seems like a ridiculous thing to do. We are ‘me’, ‘I’. And ‘I’ deserve that. This is ‘my’ life, I am the main person in this world, the lead star of the film, the one it’s all about. It’s my life and I want it to go exactly as I would like.
So, if ‘I’ don’t get that promotion at work it’s not fair, if the one ‘I’ love doesn’t love me back, he or she is a fool and – if ‘I’ fail to make ‘my’ dreams come true…it’s not ‘my’ fault.. is it? Because then there must be something wrong with the world.
This ‘I’ – me, can say that out of experience. I have dealt with frail hopes that were shattered, unrealized dreams, criticism on projects I had put all my energy in, certain heartache, unforeseen pain, loss and upcoming doubts. At times, I felt as if I was losing my mind. And that just because things weren’t going as planned. My life was drifting and shaping itself, putting me in the passenger’s seat.
Those are the times you are left to your devices, left to wonder about what, where, why and when. When did you life fall apart? Why? Did you do something wrong? Did you say something – did you forget to say something? And if so, was that silence the first sound of your emotional heart-attack?
In that corner, in that sad in-between place of ill decision-making, grey colours and guilt-fed whispers, you sink deep into thoughts. Reduced to a passenger along for the ride, you are left to do the only thing you can do in a moment like that; watch. Observe. Because surely, as they say, we can learn from our mistakes. If we pay attention, track the crumbs, take notes – we might find our way out of this black hole. If we closely watch those around us, read their lips, cling to their embraces and follow the light in their eyes, we might even find the answers we were looking for. Even when, most of the times, you are afraid to ask them aloud.
Life is a process of learning. And it never ends. Our parents teach us the basics and then the teachers do the rest. Our minds are filled with ideas, theories and knowledge. So we might use it to get ahead in life. But once we’ve left the educational premises behind, though our minds are full, our hearts are empty. For what have we accomplished yet? What experience did we acquire? Wrongfully, we think this is the time we stop learning. We think we know it all, we’re young, we’re powerful and we’re going to conquer the world. But where did that thought come from? Did our teachers teach us nothing?
Youth is both a blessing and a curse. Without a compass, without goals you float into a peaceful cloud of senselessness. And it’s only when you hit a wall that you realize; maybe I’m not as invincible as I thought. Maybe I can lose, maybe I can hurt… Maybe a lot! – A fearsome thought.
But maybe that is the reason we lose – we hurt– we are disappointed and… we panic; to fear. Because fear has the power to wake you up. To pull you out of that black hole. It makes you see, fully, the process and consequences of your ideals and actions. It makes us grow as a person. Because if we would never lose, hurt, disappoint or panic; we would never learn. If we would always win and get what we want, without even the slightest effort; we would not value what we have.
And when it comes to our leading role, how could it be that everyone could get what he or she wanted? At the same time? It would simply not be possible. And that’s a fact. A piece of information we simply have to settle with.
We want, we strive, we fight. But we have to enter the fight knowing; we can’t win them all...
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